Have you ever had the feeling that you know you are meant to do something big, you know were meant to be someone great and to do something great, but you just don’t know exactly what that “something great” is?
I have had that feeling my entire life. Even at a young age, I knew in the depths of my soul that I was meant to do big things. I just didn’t know I would have to go through horrific obstacles to figure out what that “something great” was going to be.
I have always known I was different. I am what society calls, “the black sheep.” I don’t conform, I don’t typically fit in, and I strive to break the mold of what society deems acceptable for a woman. Maybe you have felt this way too? I spent my young childhood and teenage years just trying to “be normal.” I was constantly trying to fit into this bubble that wasn’t me. The thing is, no one knew who I truly was. I didn’t even know who I truly was. As I look back on my childhood and young teenage/adult years, it’s almost like I was having an out of body experience, just going through the motions.
As a young child, I was molested. That seemed to set the tone of the rest of my days as a child and my young adult years. My goal in life, as a young girl, was to keep secrets, put on a brave face, and not let my guard down. I learned quickly that if you look good, verbalize how happy and content you are and comply, people don’t question you. What I didn’t realize was that the demons I had been carrying with me for years would eventually rear their ugly heads in ways that I couldn’t imagine. That’s the thing about secrets, they keep you sick.
“My name is Jessi, and I am an alcoholic.” Something about that statement is so freeing. Here I am, 30 years old, and I have been sober for almost 7 years. In the world of socially acceptable drunkenness, where society promotes alcohol as a coping mechanism for having children, hating our job, and surviving family gatherings, I got sober at the age of 24.
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