How to Deal with Dad
Tatler Malaysia|June 2022
Bittersweet lessons, tough love, dealing with expectations... a daughter's relationship with her dad can be complicated, just like mine was. Yet I have become who I am mostly because of him
Marina Mahathir
How to Deal with Dad

I once mused on the idea of setting up an Eldest Daughters' Convention. Its purpose was to gather all first-born women to not only talk about that unique position where you are your parents' first experiment in child-rearing but also to discuss the many expectations heaped on your shoulders if you are a girl. One of the key breakout sessions, I thought, would be one on 'How to Deal with Dad.'

I am an eldest daughter as well as an eldest child. It may seem sexist to only organise a special conference for my brethren (well, sistren!), but I do think that eldest daughters have a unique status in the family-especially when it comes to our relationship with our fathers.

A lot of Asian fathers wish for a son as their firstborn. But when they get a daughter, they react in three ways: they could be disappointed and just hope the next one will be a boy; they could totally fall in love and spoil her like a princess, or they could decide not to fuss and treat this daughter the same as he would a son.

My father was the third type: he never thought I should be treated differently just because I was a girl. Of course, he was influenced by the woman he married, who was a medical doctor just like him. But I also think that he grew up thinking it was unfair that his beloved older sisters were never given the opportunity to study like his brothers and him. As a result, he brooked no slackness in our studies; nobody, neither daughters nor sons, were allowed red marks.

This story is from the June 2022 edition of Tatler Malaysia.

Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.

This story is from the June 2022 edition of Tatler Malaysia.

Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.

MORE STORIES FROM TATLER MALAYSIAView All
CHANGING THE GAME
Tatler Malaysia

CHANGING THE GAME

Our world is ever-changing, and so is the way we experience it. Tatler explores how the travel industry is adapting to the needs and values of a new generation

time-read
4 mins  |
March 2024
THE BIRTH OF A MOVEMENT
Tatler Malaysia

THE BIRTH OF A MOVEMENT

More women are taking back their birthing experience—and their power—by challenging the institutionalised norms surrounding childbirth, honouring the healing process and leaning on the magic of sisterhood

time-read
10+ mins  |
March 2024
Journal, SHE WROTE
Tatler Malaysia

Journal, SHE WROTE

Journal scrapbooking virtuoso Tercia Goh opens up on embracing the traditionally analogue hobby of putting pen to paper in an increasingly digital world

time-read
6 mins  |
March 2024
STROKE of INSPIRATION
Tatler Malaysia

STROKE of INSPIRATION

Rooted in the philosophy of harmony and balance, Jaee Tee invites viewers to delve into the layers of meaning within her art

time-read
4 mins  |
March 2024
GOLD.GLORY.GAME ON.
Tatler Malaysia

GOLD.GLORY.GAME ON.

Meet Grills Gaming, the all-women Dota 2 team breaking the glass ceiling to make a name in the Southeast Asian esports arena and beyond

time-read
6 mins  |
March 2024
Crafting Time
Tatler Malaysia

Crafting Time

A conversation with master watchmaker Dr Rebecca Struthers, the first person in the UK to earn a PhD in horology

time-read
5 mins  |
March 2024
(Wo) Man of the Hour
Tatler Malaysia

(Wo) Man of the Hour

Tatler chats with Evelyne Genta about her late husband Gérald Genta’s legacy in watchmaking

time-read
3 mins  |
March 2024
Foundation of Excellence
Tatler Malaysia

Foundation of Excellence

Sunway International Schools Kuala Lumpur's new campus marks a year of academic triumph

time-read
2 mins  |
March 2024
Eat, Drink and Fly Merry
Tatler Malaysia

Eat, Drink and Fly Merry

Malaysia Airports entice guests with gastronomical delights

time-read
2 mins  |
March 2024
Elegance Unfolded
Tatler Malaysia

Elegance Unfolded

A day in the life of Marion Caunter with the Honor Magic V2

time-read
2 mins  |
March 2024