On a freezing January evening, Ashley Austrew sat in her car in an Omaha, Nebraska, parking lot, working up the courage to go into a comedy improv class. For 20 minutes, the 33-year-old journalist and mom of two sat with swirling thoughts of self-doubt: “OMG, I can’t do this. I’ll be the worst one.” Then she turned off the engine, took a few deep breaths, and went inside.
For Austria, trying improv was the first small step to improve her self-esteem. “All my life, I’ve lacked confidence,” she says. “I didn’t have the courage to try anything new.” So she made a list of all the things she was afraid to attempt and then asked herself, What if I didn’t let my excuses win? Improv was her biggest target.
Her fear dissolved as soon as she walked into the class. Her classmates were also beginners, and she discovered that she was perfectly capable of earning a few laughs and making new friends. Over the next two years, Austrew went on to tackle other what-ifs, including writing a book. “Self-esteem is like a muscle—you have to work it constantly,” she says.
Some people are blessed with a seemingly unshakeable positivity, but most of us need to learn how to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps. Psychologists say we tend to experience our lowest self-esteem in adolescence and spend much of our adult lives slowly building it back up. Staying positive has been tough in the past year. Since the pandemic began, three times as many American adults have reported symptoms of depression or anxiety (the malevolent cousins to low self-worth) compared with 2019. Thankfully, like Austrew, we can learn to feel better about ourselves and strengthen our feelings of hope. (Of course, anyone experiencing severe or persistent symptoms should seek professional help.) Here are eight science-backed strategies to improve your relationship with the person in the mirror.
Embrace the Upside of Feeling Down
Continue reading your story on the app
Continue reading your story in the magazine
Clean the Things You Never Do*
*But ShouldMore chores? Don't worry. Just add an item or two to your regular routine, and your home will thank you.
Breaking Ground
The steps at the back of David Olson's house in Norton Shores, Michigan, were crumbling and had to go.
Stop Losing Your Stuff
Can't find your keys again? Cognitive experts can help you stop searching (and stressing).
NIGHTMARE ON LAKE SUPERIOR
One by one, the three kayakers capsized in the cold, angry water. Then they became separated.
Parenting, Passed Down
Genes aren't the only things we inherit. Readers share the rules and traditions that made them the parents they are today.
"I NEVER THOUGHT OF IT THAT WAY"
HOW TO TALK TO PEOPLE EVEN IF YOU DISAGREE
THE FUTURE OF TECH
From self-driving cars to space travel, we answer your questions about where technology is heading
A Perfect Match
EVERYDAY MIRACLES
Calling All Blood Donors!
BLOOD DRIVES at schools and colleges—which make up a large portion of the American Red Cross's collection sites-have dropped 62 percent.
Advice to the Young
One of the world's most celebrated writers has much to share—though she sometimes wonders whether she should keep her thoughts to herself