Q. Have you experienced any significant acts of kindness in your life?
A. When I was living in Leeds, I was a stay-at-home mum. I didn’t have any friends and my kids had just started school. My anxiety was shocking. I was plodding into school one day because I’d hurt my back. I didn’t realise it at the time, but another mum figured out what was wrong. On her way to work, she made a detour and knocked on my door. She said: ‘Right, come on, sit down.’
I thought, ‘Hold on a second. You don’t get to come to my house and tell me to sit down!’ When I look back on who I was then, as much as I wanted friends, I don’t think I let anyone in because that was my safe place; being at home alone. I didn’t want anyone to be kind to me because it would set me off; when someone’s caring towards you and you feel like you haven’t had that for a while, it makes you realise what you’ve lost – I was far away from home and missing my family.
She sat me down, got out some Tiger Balm and rubbed it into my back. Then she said: ‘You keep that and I’ll be back later.’ She came after work and massaged more balm into my back. She was the first person who made me realise the importance of human touch. I think she could tell that I needed somebody to say, ‘Right, you need help.’ I’ll never forget that.
Q. Has your parents’ kindness had an impact on you?
A. My parents are kind people. I think because they are immigrants, they struggled a lot with making friends and settling in. They value family and the people around them because those people are ‘home’.
This story is from the December 2019 edition of Psychologies.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber ? Sign In
This story is from the December 2019 edition of Psychologies.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber? Sign In
The Keyes to life
Celebrated author Marian Keyes talks to Psychologies about milestones, good intentions, and feeling younger than her years
Take time to treat yourself
Does a spa day seem like an overindulgence you can't justify? Heidi Scrimgeour - fresh from an unforgettable experience - shares five reasons why you should reconsider...
Spread the joy
Connect with your food, understand your body, and transform your health with JoyFull – Radhi Devlukia-Shetty's mouthwatering new collection of effortless plant-based meals
Rest to reset
Let's make taking time out to soothe the soul, release held stresses, and restore calm an everyday essential, writes Nahid de Belgeonne
Anna Williamson Summer lovin'...
There is nothing that's guaranteed to up our feelgood factor- and our libido - like a little bit of sunshine! So as we feel the fledging rays of summer this month - with beach holidays and cocktails hovering just over the horizon - I'm taking the focus of this month's musings to matters beneath the sheets...
Empty nest
As parenthood takes on a new guise, open yourself up to change and let your grief give way to opportunity, writes Yasmina Floyer
Coming up for air Go lightly
Rather than clinging tightly to control, fearful that things will fall apart, Caro Giles sits awhile with uncertainty...
The mirror of feedback
Seek out other people's perceptions of you and adopt a practice of regular self-appraisal in order to learn and grow
Spotting the unseen
Invite in curiosity and question the biases that inform your beliefs, to open your mind to new ways of being
HOW TO CHECK YOUR BLIND SPOTS
Learn to look beyond your peripheral vision, widen your perspective, and chase down new challenges, urges Holly Treacy