Does He Know Too Much About You? And Should He?
Her World Malaysia|July 2018

Spilling the beans on exes, dealbreakers, and what she had for lunch is Clara How’s way of telling a guy she cares – doesn’t matter if it’s early days. Not so for Davelle Lee, who insists there’s such a thing as TMI (too much information), and is all for keeping things under wraps. Each makes her case. You be the judge.

Davelle Lee

YOUR RELATIONSHIP HISTORY

TELL HIM EVERYTHING

Clara How: “To me, there’s no such thing as too much information – I figure that if we’re going to consider each other as romantic prospects, we should at least get a sense of our dating patterns, and an understanding of why our previous relationships didn’t work out. It’s up to him whether he needs the details, but I’m willing to give him at least a Spark Notes synopsis. I don’t have a fixed rule for when’s the best time to spill, but I’m cool with talking about my exes by the second date. I assume that by then, we’d have communicated pretty regularly over text, and established a certain level of comfort with each other. As for his sexual history, I don’t need to know all the details, but I may ask him about his relationship history. If he’s hesitant about sharing, that’s a red flag.

I know what they say about details from someone’s past colouring your early impression, but I think it’s up to me to decide how to take that information. If he’s upfront about having cheated on his last girlfriend, I would give him credit for being honest, and be more likely to believe him if he concedes he made a mistake. If, however, much later into a relationship, I find out that he deliberately concealed this important fact from me, it would make me wonder what else he could be hiding. I’d rather we heard all the gory details straight from each other’s mouths than snoop through our social media platforms trying to find out more, and perhaps getting the wrong impression.

Everyone has done something they’re not proud of in their past relationships, myself included. If I’m upfront with a guy I’m dating and I get judged for that, then I guess he’s not the type of person I want to be with. And that’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

KEEP IT ZIPPED

Davelle Lee: “Picture this. A gruff detective paces back and forth in front of me – a nervous wreck of a suspect – and barks: ‘How often did you meet your ex-boyfriend each week? Did you always split the bill? Why did you break up?’

That’s how it plays out in my head whenever my date launches a surprise interrogation. Regardless of how nicely he disguises the questions, it just feels like he’s after me. By ploughing through my dating history, it might seem like he wants to make sense of my actions and understand my motives. But I know he’ll only end up drawing false conclusions about ‘crimes’ I have yet to commit.

The thing is, why should a person’s relationship history matter, especially when you’ve only just started getting to know each other? I don’t believe I’m the same person in every relationship – in fact, I think you adapt to the person you’re seeing. To me, the way you are in one relationship cannot simply be extrapolated to the next. Yet, men I’ve dated insist on using whatever knowledge they can glean to try to predict the success of a match. It’s a waste, because you could end up letting a good thing slip away when you allow preconceived notions to get the better of you. That’s not to say I don’t need to know a dude’s sexual history. If things are getting serious, of course I would want to know.

I can skip the relationship history that goes along with it. Dragging up the past gets messy, especially with stuff that should stay buried with your previous relationships. Let’s say you were the one who cheated on your ex. Does your current beau need to know? I say let sleeping dogs lie.”

THE DEAL BREAKER

TELL HIM EVERYTHING

Continue reading your story on the app

Continue reading your story in the magazine

MORE STORIES FROM HER WORLD MALAYSIAView All

YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND IN ME

“More than half of my time is spent with animals, but I enjoy it,” enthuses animal rescuer, Aileen Lee. The story of this selfless lady’s dedication and love for the fur kids she has saved will warm your heart.

8 mins read
Her World Malaysia
May - June 2020

MISSION: Catification

We discover why pet proofing your home ensures harmony and safety for both the owner and the cat.

2 mins read
Her World Malaysia
May - June 2020

THE ONE WHO'S TAKING ACTION

Best known for her extensively waitlisted Nina bag, Gabriela Hearst walks the talk when it comes to sustainable luxury. The New York-based designer shares her inspirations, dreams and resolutions for herself and her eponymous label.

3 mins read
Her World Malaysia
May - June 2020

BORN TO ENTERTAIN

YOU MIGHT RECOGNISE HER AS THE GENTLE AND LOVING MOTHER IN LEE CHONG WEI, THE BIOPIC OF THE BADMINTON LEGEND, OR THE VULNERABLE YET RESILIENT TEACHER IN WET SEASON, WHICH HIT THE CINEMAS IN MARCH. SOME OF US MAY HAVE SEEN YEO YANN YANN ON THE BIG SCREEN PLAYING VARIOUS CHARACTERS FOR MORE THAN A DECADE. STILL, SHE NEVER FAILS LEAVE HER AUDIENCE IN AWE OF HER ACTING PROWESS.

10+ mins read
Her World Malaysia
May - June 2020

THE TRUTH BEHIND FAUX FUR

Is imitation fur still a feasible alternative in this modern, fashion-forward world? Nadhirah Othman uncovers how the fur industry – both real and fake – brings a detrimental impact to the well-being of our planet.

4 mins read
Her World Malaysia
May - June 2020

Surprising reasons WHY YOUR KID is under performing in school

You’re understandably frustrated that your child isn’t living up to her potential. But before you blame her attitude, check if these conditions are hindering her academically.

9 mins read
Her World Malaysia
May - June 2020

A PAWSITIVE' Life

Like in many parts of the world, pet culture has seen exponential growth in Malaysia. In this issue, Lorraine Chai discusses pet therapy, a method of treatment that is gaining traction, and also some of the pet trends you don’t want to miss out on.

10 mins read
Her World Malaysia
May - June 2020

The Healing Power Of Unconditional Love

There’s a saying that goes, “Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.” For one woman, these words resonated deeply. An unlikely companion came into her life at her lowest point and changed everything.

7 mins read
Her World Malaysia
May - June 2020

Even Pets Need Tummy Care?

For many, keeping a pet is more than just caring for an animal; pets are family members, too. We speak to veterinary surgeon, Dr Wafaa Abdul Washefffrom Pets Corner Sdn Bhd, to find out how your pets can stay healthy with a suitable diet

3 mins read
Her World Malaysia
May - June 2020

Beauty The Natural Way

With climate change rapidly threatening the future of Mother Earth, we urgently need to curb further acts of destruction. We speak to Law Hong Mei, founder of The Olive Tree, about building a beauty brand that is sustainable from the core.

5 mins read
Her World Malaysia
May - June 2020