The two chaplains who’d come to my hospital room meant well. There was no mistaking the concern in their eyes.
“God loves you,” one of the women said. “He’s always there for you.”
I sat up in my bed, grimacing. It felt as if the left side of my face were exploding. For nearly eight years, I’d suffered from a rare neurological disorder. Medications I took three times a day helped mask the pain. There was little hope of a cure. But that wasn’t the reason for this latest hospitalization.
Six screws and a titanium plate had been placed in my neck to stabilize a deteriorating spine—unrelated to my neurological disorder. I was so sick of hurting and feeling miserable. And now these two women of the cloth were reminding me about God’s goodness.
“Is there anything we can do for you?” the other chaplain asked.
“Tell me why God let this happen to me,” I said, my voice rising. “What does he want from me? Why won’t he help?”
The chaplains exchanged glances. For what seemed like the longest time, they said nothing. Finally one of them said, “Why don’t you ask God yourself?”
It was a sunny morning in August 2007 when, out of the blue, the left side of my face began burning, the beginning of a torturous pain condition called trigeminal neuralgia, or TN. It’s caused by the trigeminal nerve, one of 12 cranial nerves, misfiring, sending painful sensations to the head and face. “Some people say it’s the worst pain a human can experience,” my neurologist said.
This story is from the April 2020 edition of Guideposts.
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This story is from the April 2020 edition of Guideposts.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
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