A decade ago, Alzheimer’s dis-ease wasn’t on my radar. My husband, Bob, and I were in our fifties, immersed in our careers. He was a local radio and television personality, and together we had built an Emmy Award–winning video production company. Our two boys were working, with our youngest just a year shy of college graduation.
In 2012, Bob received a shocking diagnosis: probable Alzheimer’s. He was 58. There was no family history of dementia; he’d never had a head injury. I couldn’t fathom how this could happen or how our lives would change.
Nine years later, I can emphatically say that Alzheimer’s has brought us challenges and joys. It drew us closer. Even when a spouse has dementia, you can still have a productive and loving life together. Here are the five most important lessons I’ve learned as a long-term caregiver.
ASK FOR HELP
Alzheimer’s often causes the person who has it, as well as those who take care of them, to shrink from sight. Friends sometimes pull away too. It can be awkward communicating with someone who has dementia. There’s a loss of shared events or mutual responsibilities, even a fear of facing one’s own mortality.
Because Bob was in the public eye, I knew he would likely lose his jobs if word got out. To give me time to plan, I told almost no one.
We’d just moved into a new home when Bob was diagnosed. My coworkers and friends would ask: “How’s the new neighborhood?” “Find any new restaurants?” “Got all those boxes unpacked?” I wanted to shout, “Our lives are falling apart, and I don’t know what to do!”
As Bob’s condition worsened, I finally confided in more people. What a relief! I got better at asking for help. I used social media to find people to show me how to fix blocked drains and reglaze windows. Our church’s women’s group brought us meals. I launched a Facebook page to keep old friends and colleagues informed, which elicited offers to take Bob out. (One friend even took him to the Indy 500!) Two of Bob’s coworkers began an annual tradition of helping me wrap my Christmas gifts. As Bob’s Alzheimer’s progressed, I brought in a volunteer to provide respite care and eventually day centers and paid caregivers. Each stage of dementia requires new knowledge and help, so even if you start alone, build your team around you. That’s how you survive well. You can’t do this alone.
Continue reading your story on the app
Continue reading your story in the magazine
The Legacy of Flight 93
An Army officer remembers his cousin Rich Guadagno and the other 39 heroes who died in Shanksville, Pennsylvania, on September 11
The List
After two divorces, did I really know what I wanted in a relationship? Did I even know who I needed to be?
“God Will Bless Your Business
George Turner was sure the pandemic would spell the end of his struggling bike shop. His pastor had other ideas
The 46th Peak
We decided to do this last hike of the challenge together. Partway down, I heard my husband scream
Challenge Yourself to...Connect More!
Eager to emerge from the loneliness of lockdown and socialize again? We’ve put together a list of 15 challenges for reconnecting with the people you care about—and making new friends too. Focus on a few activities, or pick one each day to try over the next two months. Pay attention to how your relationships flourish!
Reason for Hope
I feared my son would never get off drugs. Until an art class changed my heart
Pistol
He was the dog I always wanted. But he came with baggage, a little like me
ALONE WITH MY FAITH
The pandemic left a lot of us feeling isolated. Including me. But it opened the door to something deeper in my music and in my soul
Brought Together
How two strangers found friendship and healing as they came to terms with the legacy of slavery
70 Years of Hope & Inspiration
Elizabeth Sherrill’s life as a writer has been a journey of the soul, a journey that also became the very soul of Guideposts magazine
KATIE CRASHES & BURNS - AGAIN!
Cougar dumps boytoy, 33, amid talk she’s undatable
New Hopes and Fears for Alzheimer's Patients
A new drug offers modest slowing of the disease in its early stages. But are the benefits worth the risks?
BOBBY RYDELL BEAT DEATH THREE TIMES!
The teen idol needed an emergency double bypass
Stopping Alzheimer's Before It Starts
Rather than treating patients already stricken, new drugs from Eli Lilly and Eisai are being tried years earlier
Nurse Jackie
After putting herself on the daytime map with a 1976-77 run as ONE LIFE TO LIVE's troubled Lana McClain, Jacklyn Zeman was tapped to move across the country to play Bobbie Spencer, who arrived in Port Charles 45 years ago this month. Zeman chatted with Digest about the milestone.
Living Better With Alzheimer's
What if a village square, a garden and two donkeys could help restore dignity and slow the disease?
ABC asks my help with Bill Clinton's obituary
A producer at ABC recently asked if I'd be willing to be interviewed for a documentary they're making about Bill Clinton. I agreed. Then I asked when they're planning to show it.
DRUG SLOWS ALZHEIMER'S BUT CAN IT MAKE A REAL DIFFERENCE?
An experimental Alzheimer's drug modestly slowed the brain disease's inevitable worsening, researchers reported this week -- but it remains unclear how much difference that might make in people's lives.
COVID boosts Alzheimer's risk
Significantly higher risk
How Long Can Running Keep Alzheimer's at Bay?
When legendary endurance racer Mark Macy got his diagnosis, he was told he had two years to live. That was four years ago.