What have I learned from transitioning? I can't overstate the biggest joy, which is really seeing yourself. I know I look different to others, but to me, I'm just starting to look like myself. It's indescribable, because I'm just like, there I am. And thank God. Here I am. So the greatest joy is just being able to feel present, literally, just to be present. To go out in a group of new people and be able to engage in a way where I didn't feel this constant sensation to flee from my body, this never-ending sensation of anxiety and nervousness and wanting out.
When I say I couldn't have ever imagined feeling that way, I mean that with every sense of me.
My dad had a cabin on the south shore of Nova Scotia with no running water or electricity. I was obsessed with tree frogs. I would watch them hop along for hours, probably because of how tiny they were. I've noticed as an adult how nourishing and crucial it is for me to feel connected to nature. I need it. When I'm in those spaces, my whole body will relax. My stress dissipates. I can get quiet.
I spent a lot of my childhood in the woods.
When I was a little kid, all I wanted my parents to play was the Bodyguard soundtrack. Loved. And Annie Lennox, Medusa. I think that had a lot to do with the cover. I'd just stare at Annie Lennox. My mum's music was a lot of Cat Stevens and Sting. The Tragically Hip-they's fantastic. My dad was more jazz-Shirley Horn, Ruth Brown.
I don't think I ever actually saw The Bodyguard. I should watch it. Now I'm feeling embarrassed.
T-shirt and trousers, Celine by Hedi Slimane; ring by Sterling Assault.
This story is from the Summer 2022 edition of Esquire US.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber ? Sign In
This story is from the Summer 2022 edition of Esquire US.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber? Sign In
IN JUDGMENT OF DONALD TRUMP
He may never face justice for his most serious offenses. But the everyday prosecutors who've won clear verdicts against him have exposed Trump as the unfit citizen he truly is.
TRAVEL GETS LIT
Book butlers! Curated libraries! Custom cruises! Literary-themed vacations are the hot new trend in tourism.
RED ALERT
Dior’s asymmetrical, angular Chiffre Rouge watch is back and as bold as ever
The Undeniable Joel Kim Booster
The actor, comedian, and writer has hit his career sweet spot: not \"widely reviled on the Internet yet\" but high on the authentic power of making people laugh.
Angling for the Big Fish That Breaks Hearts
People fall in love with Patagonia for many reasons. The breathtaking landscape. The gauchos. The Malbec For me it was the thrill of fly-fishing in a mountain stream near the bottom the world. On my latest trip would I finally hook that elusive trout worthy of my majestic surroundings? By David Coggins
SHOES FOR GETTING WEIRD
The Rick Owens sneakers that remind Christopher Fenimore, the photographer behind the popular Five Fits series on Esquire.com, of a stranger time in his life
MAC DADDY
You need the simple, streamlined mackintosh coat in your spring rotation
Shawn Fain Is Done Making Nice
The combative new president of the United Auto Workers has emerged as the strongest voice in a resurgent labor movement in America
Game Time for Grown-ups
My most meaningful form of self-help right now involves an afternoon of Skee-Ball, Super Shot, Pac-Man, and a double-pepperoni flatbread from the Shareables menu—all punched into my Dave Buster’s Power Card
EVERY THING MEANS SOME THING WHAT IT'S LIKE BEING ROBERT DOWNEY JR.
Last night he came downstairs around bedtime and didn't see either of them.