Ease stress of divorce
Money Magazine Australia|October 2021
When a couple decides to break up, some emotional and practical preparation can help them through the process
KIRSTY SALVESTRO

Statistics show that break-ups and divorce are two of the most stressful and emotional events in life. Preparing emotionally and practically can help reduce that stress. If you’re going through a break-up here are some ways to help you best navigate the process.

Preparation is vital. If you are well prepared, you increase your ability to persuade the other side about what you are asking for. You can inform them and educate them on important factors that need to be considered. This gives you both the greatest opportunity to resolve your matter.

Making sure you assemble the right team around you is a practical way of progressing with your divorce.

When you are ready, consider the types of advice you might need to draw on, why you might need it and where to find it. This means starting to think outside your immediate needs and starting to look a little further forward.

Emotional preparation is going to include (while sticking to those values you have set) looking closely at and thinking about your own needs and goals.

At all times, keep your set values pinned in your mind (or even on a pinboard or sticky note if you are a visual person) so you can continuously remind yourself how you want to act.

In addition to guiding you through your emotional needs and values, we will start preparing you practically. The reason we do this is so that those emotions do not get the better of you. If you have a clear mind and have good information at hand, you can concentrate on controlling your emotions and ultimately your own path. We need to get rid of any fog, and a lot of the time that simply means getting information and making sure the practical steps are clear in your head.

I will take you through the very practical things you need to think about and prepare to talk about and help you to consider any other external advice you may need. I find that if you are prepared, although never easy, it is not as difficult. You will have goals to work to and be able to follow a clear and concise path.

Research

Your advice does not always need to come from an expert. It might be that you are good at researching, or have friends who have had a positive outcome and can provide some good advice.

If you prefer to research on your own, search for criteria that meet your standards and fit in with your values. I always recommend that instead of searching for legal answers, look at the support that is available and find people who can talk you through your options. Look for “out of court options”; look for alternative pathways.

Sometimes I have couples who just immediately know what path they want and can stay focused without too much outsourcing. Other times couples need more guidance.

The best tip I can give you here is not to jump in quickly. Look around for good advice that is consistent with your values. Always make sure you get information about all your options.

External advice

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