‘Unfortunately, we’ve probably all at some point in our lives received negative messages that stop us from embracing our sexual selves,’ says Cecilia Sharp, sex expert at Lovehoney. ‘It can be hard to see yourself as worthy of pleasure, with so many mixed messages (particularly about age and appearance) flying around, and shame around sex is all too common.’
Here’s how to change all that. (And don’t fear – trying to stick to these new sex rules will be far more enjoyable than your usual resolutions. Trust us…)
I MUST… TRY SEXTING
If you think sexting (sending sexy texts) is just for teenagers, think again. Your smartphone can add sizzle to your sex life by injecting some much-needed fun and flirtation, no matter how long you’ve been in a relationship. The best bit? All you need is a WiFi signal and a little creative thinking.
‘Never underestimate the power of a suggestive text,’ says Cecilia. ‘Sexts should be playful and suggestive, while still leaving a little to the imagination.’ She adds that the content doesn’t have to be X-rated. ‘If being explicit over text isn’t your (or your partner’s) thing, make them feel desired and fill their head with thoughts of what’s in store by simply telling them that you can’t wait to see them.’
Try using the camera on your phone to take a few sexy snaps. ‘Photos can also be a big mood builder, and you don’t need to be nude – just do what feels right for you,’ says Cecilia.
I MUST… STOP APOLOGISING FOR BEING ME
Not many women love their bodies, but worrying about every lump or bump isn’t healthy, and being too harsh on yourself can destroy your confidence – so quit those self-destructive thoughts for 2020. ‘We live in an image-obsessed society, with targeted advertising and billboards all showing us what “perfect” bodies should look like. So it’s no wonder we have a tendency to compare ourselves to others,’ says Cecilia. In fact, this self-destructive behaviour can have a serious impact. ‘In exactly the same way that body shaming someone else can damage their confidence, criticising yourself can seriously affect your self-esteem,’ says Cecilia. ‘Instead of mentally listing things you don’t like about yourself, focus on the things you like and have them waiting in the wings when you feel wobbly. If you struggle at first, ask a good friend to help you. Before you know it, being kind to yourself will come naturally.’ All of which will help you feel more relaxed and confident when being intimate.
I MUST… EXPERIMENT WITH LUBE
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