A scientific-ish analysis of one man’s social circle.
BY RICHARD DORMENT
THERE IS SOMETHING a little sad about a 40-year-old man spending the better part of a summer trying to figure out if he has any friends. Fine: it’s a lot sad, but a few months ago, after my social-media feeds started filling up with posts on a crisis in men’s friendship – men have no friends; men are dying of loneliness; we can’t even do friendship right! – I looked in the mirror and asked some hard questions. Do I have any real friends? Would I be happier with more friends? And wait – is this really what I look like now?So I did what any rational person would do. I interviewed 12 sociologists, psychiatrists, linguists and anthropologists about what it actually means to have and be a friend today. I read hundreds of pages of studies on how guys build and maintain friendships. Then I conducted my very own survey about what kind of friend I am. I randomly selected about 70 people from my contact list, sent them ten multiple-choice questions (thanks, Survey Monkey!), and promised them total anonymity in exchange for some brutally honest feedback. I started with a simple question – “Do you consider me a friend?” – and went deeper from there. The results helped me understand not just the state of my own friendships but also what people get wrong (and right) about Male Friendship™. According to my own research and the work of others, turns out that most men do have friends – we’re just used to doing friendship in our own imperfect way. And as with everything else in our lives, we could probably benefit from getting better at it. Herewith, a few of my highly unscientific findings.
“Do you consider me a friend?”
This story is from the April 2020 edition of Men's Health South Africa.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber ? Sign In
This story is from the April 2020 edition of Men's Health South Africa.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber? Sign In
INSTANT PROGRESS THE 28-DAY PULLUP PLAN
JUST 10 MINUTES A DAY FOR A MONTH CAN PUSH YOU FROM PULLUP ZERO TO YOUR FIRST GREAT REPS.
THE MH INTERVIEW STARTER MUSCLE
THE FIRST STEPS ON A NEW FITNESS JOURNEY ARE OFTEN THE TOUGHEST. BUT WITH A FEW TWEAKS TO YOUR THINKING, PT AND PART-OWNER OF MOTLEY CREW CROSSFIT TYRON HATCH WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO STRIDE TOWARDS THE LOFTIEST GOALS.
15 SMART WAYS TO GET AHEAD IN LIFE (BY DOING LITTLE THINGS BETTER)
Self-improvement needn't be a slog. You can make gains-both marginal and meaningful-simply by approaching your day-to-day tasks with a little extra know-how. We raided the MH archives to compile these truly life-enhancing tips from our expert contributors. It's time to level up.
LOVE & LIKES
WHEN DOES SOCIAL-MEDIA FLIRTING BECOME CHEATING? LET’S TALK IT OUT.
FORCE OF NATURE
THE SAS SOLDIER TURNED TV SURVIVALIST HAS MADE OUTDOOR ADVENTURE HIS BUSINESS. BUT WHAT LESSONS DO HIS METHODS HOLD IN OUR INCREASINGLY URBANISED AND ONLINE WORLD?
COLOGNE BUT WITH
YOU BUY COLOGNE TO STAND OUT. SO WHY NOT REALLY STAND OUT? THESE BOLDER SPRITZES SMELL AWESOME AND LAST LONGER, WHICH MEANS YOU CAN USE LESS. OUR PICKS LEVEL UP IN INTENSITY AS YOU MOVE ALONG THE SPECTRUM.
THE BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO RUNNING LAPS AROUND THE ECONOMY
CATCHING UP WHEN INFLATION IS ALWAYS OUT TO SET A NEW PB CAN FEEL IMPOSSIBLE. PUT THESE 11 EXPERT-APPROVED LESSONS INTO ACTION TO DUCK AND WEAVE AROUND YOUR MONEY WOES
WHY 30-MINUTE WORKOUTS WILL WORK FOR YOU
LESS IS MORE WHEN IT COMES TO EXERCISING FOR FITNESS, STRENGTH AND HEALTH.
UNFREEZE YOUR MIND
ALL MY LIFE, I THOUGHT I WAS A COWARD. THEN I DISCOVERED THAT THE REAL NAME FOR WHAT I'D BEEN FEELING WAS ANXIETY- AND I WAS IN GOOD COMPANY.
DARK PLACES
For any surfer, taking on the monster waves at Nazaré in Portugal is a death-defying risk. For Matt Formston, there's another consideration: he's blind.