The low point was the night that the needle wouldn’t go into my stomach. It was a Sunday and I’d been injecting myself with hormones for a week. There was a theatre to the procedure that I’d almost come to enjoy. It stung, but not for long, and the sting was normally overtaken by a wave of invincibility. I’d just injected myself! Hardcore! In the unlikely event, I ever found myself in an action film where someone needed to be stabbed in the heart with a shot of adrenaline, I was now up for it.
Except that Sunday night, the needle wouldn’t slide in. I’d been alternating sides of my stomach so the dose of hormones was spread wide, but after a week of treating my abdomen like a pin cushion, every spot felt too sore and I started crying. I’d chosen this. I’d decided to put myself through egg freezing and I’d previously written and talked a lot about what a positive choice it was for a woman like me – 35 and single. And yet here I was, sitting on my bed, suddenly aware that I was doing this alone and I couldn’t even get the bastard needle to work. It felt pathetic.
Then I heard my sister and brother-in-law shouting for their daughters on the other side of my bedroom door. “Bath time!” Another wave of tears. Would I ever shout, “Bath time!” at my own child? Would I have anyone else, an ally, to do it with? Why was I even bothering to freeze my eggs when I’d probably be on my own forever?
Eventually, the 11th time I pressed the needle against my fat, it slid in. I stopped weeping with self-pity and, job done, went back to bingeing The Sopranos on my laptop in bed. Phew, what a palaver.
This story is from the February 2021 edition of Marie Claire Australia.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber ? Sign In
This story is from the February 2021 edition of Marie Claire Australia.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber? Sign In
WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T BE DISCOUNTED
Four game-changing women share why they want economic empowerment included in the conversation this International Women’s Day
home HAVEN
Sophie Bell, founder of Peppa Hart, invites us into her calming quarters, writes Samantha Stewart
BEHIND THE SCENES with PETER PHILIPS
An intimate backstage moment with the legendary creative and image director for Dior Makeup
MIAH MADDEN
The Australian actor on her biggest fashion crime, party tricks and the women who have shaped her
TAYLOR SWIFT
As she hits our shores in February, music writer Cameron Adams charts the unbelievable career of the world’s biggest music artist, from her Nashville country music roots to her record-smashing Eras tour
The road to NIRVANA
Editor Georgie Abay lands in the remote Himalayan kingdom of Bhutan for the adventure of a lifetime
makes SUN sense
What if we saw a suntan for what it really is: a visible sign that skin has been damaged? Sherine Youssef looks behind the golden facade
RUNWAY to DEBT
Modelling agencies are ecruiting young people who have fled war-torn African countries and are living in extreme poverty. They are flown to Europe to take part n fashion castings, but some return within days or weeks, often laden with debt
CALLUM TURNER
The British actor shares tales from the front line, why you should play your heroes and his love for Free Willy
ALL ABOUT JESS
Chart-topping Australian singer Jessica Mauboy talks love, lonliness and music legend Whitney Houston on the eve of her new release, Yours Forever