Dear Carol – Same Crush
Girls' Life magazine|October/November 2020
My friend and I have been best friends since first grade. She recently told me her crush, and it happened to be the same guy I liked. I feel like I’m stuck in a movie! Of course, I’m not going to tell my best friend I like the guy she likes—I wouldn’t want to hurt her. So I’ve been avoiding our mutual crush as best I can, but he and I still have one class together. All I can do is cross my fingers and hope my feelings go away soon.
By Carol Weston

Dear Same Crush,

Whenever you think, “All I can do is cross my fingers,” there’s usually more you can do. If your bestie and the crush seem to like each other, take a step back and start noticing other cuties. If, however, they aren’t an item, you don’t have to back off forever, especially if you think he does like you. Next time a friend confesses that she likes the same guy you like, rather than clamming up, laugh and say, “Oh no, me too! Let’s make a pact to not let this mess up our friendship.” Because here’s the thing: In the big picture, your relationship with each other probably will last longer than any fleeting romance.

MY BFF CHEATS

My best friend keeps texting me to send her the answers to our virtual school homework. I’ve asked her to stop multiple times. I’m worried that if I tell, it would ruin our friendship or get one of us suspended or even expelled.

Dear My BFF Cheats,

I don’t think you should report her, but can you subtly try to change the subject in your texts? If you want to be more direct, say, “I’d be glad to study together, but I don’t like sharing my answers because I’m afraid we might both end up getting in trouble.”

BAD BOY

I have a crush on someone who actually likes me back, but he’s never told me in person, only mutual friends. He has sort of a bad reputation. When I see him, he smiles and stares, then turns away. He sometimes makes groans or moans or a mwah-mwah sound while I pass by. He told one guy to unfollow me on Insta (jealousy?) and he told another guy that we are friends. But are we? How can we be friends if we haven’t even talked?

Dear Bad Boy,

Your bad boy crush stares, groans, and makes kissy sounds. What makes you think that he’s a catch and that he’d be a joy to hang out with? And who is he to tell someone to unfollow you? If you wrote to me about a boy who makes you laugh and think and whom everyone considers a great guy, I’d reply differently. Right now, you and this boy are trying to figure out your next steps…and my advice is to press pause. Just because a boy likes you does *not* mean he gets a green light. And it’s always smart to aim high rather than to settle too soon on someone who happens to have noticed that you are well worth noticing.

MISSING MY FAMILY

I hope this doesn’t sound weird, but I miss my family. We have started going out more, but I really liked all the games and baking and TV. Now everyone’s gotten busier again, and I’m left on my own, the forgotten little sister. How can I get my family to stay home and hang out more? Am I crazy to miss how things were?

Dear Missing My Family,

Some places continue to be more affected by COVID-19 than others, and it’s lucky you found a silver lining in this pandemic and you enjoyed all the togetherness time. What if you suggested that Tuesday be Family Night for puzzles and popcorn, movies or games? Your parents and sibs and you can try to keep the same night free, with the understanding that you can reschedule when conflicts arise. Meanwhile, ask a sibling to make zucchini bread with you or help you carve pumpkins. And take heart. Thanksgiving is around the corner—and that means extra family time.

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