Dating & Mating with Esther Perel
Both women and men have temperaments—or energies, if you will—that are biologically and culturally determined. For so long, society has dictated that feminine energy is tender, receptive, and submissive, while masculine energy is strong, striving, and aggressive. But I’m a critic of these traditional definitions. At this point, they are retrograde—and not in a good way.
To me, it’s time for men and women to be more whole: That means for women to be pleasing and kind and also to find their voice and be powerful, confident, and decisive. For guys, whole means being strong and also soft and vulnerable with a beautiful ability to tap into their emotions and connections. But because our society has made these characteristics so gender-specific, we are locked into “masculine” versus “feminine” relationship roles, which are especially apparent in heterosexual couples.
We all have measures of energy in us. In her book In a Different Voice, Carol Gilligan tells us how boys are cut off from their emotions starting at age 4 and girls lose their voice around 12. So girls seek wholeness through empowerment and boys claim a full identity by reclaiming their vulnerability.
This story is from the January 2018 edition of Cosmopolitan.
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This story is from the January 2018 edition of Cosmopolitan.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
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