It’s a classic movie plot: couple starts an epic screaming match with each other, then mid-fight, one partner pushes the other up against the wall, they kiss oh-so passionately, and things escalate to hot, steamy make-up sex. (I mean, raise your hand if that scene from The Notebook still leaves you hot and bothered.)
The argument = over. Relationship = restored. The end.
You and I both know this actually happens IRL, too. Whenever my ex and I would argue, I’d immediately want to tackle him—not in a physical fight kind of way, but more in like an I-suddenly need-to-jump-your-bones way. The make-up sex was always soooo good.
Why is this a thing? Is there a link between being angry and horny? Or are we all just kinky AF? After speaking with psychotherapists, physiology experts, and sexperts, I’ve learned that there is definitely some science behind this madness. Here are some solid reasons why some people get turned on after arguing with their partner:
Hormones like testosterone, adrenaline, and cortisol (the stress hormone) all spike when we fight with someone, including our romantic partners. “When cortisol is released from stress, our bodies and minds may yearn for the closeness that sex provides,” explains US-based certified sexologist Jenni Skyler, PhD.
The relief of orgasm and pleasure increases serotonin, dopamine, adrenaline, and oxytocin (the love hormone), explains US-based sex and relationship therapist Andrew Aaron. This means that while the hormones released during a fight can rile you up, the hormones released after a fight calm you down, make you feel satisfied, give you feelings of power, and increase your sense of safety— which, conveniently, all magically combine to make you want to bone. A true climax and resolution.
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