How would this widow go on?
One cool October morning on the prairie, I sat on the back porch watching the sun rise. The porch faced a yard ringed by stately old cottonwoods and, beyond the trees, a pasture rising to a low hill. My husband, John, and I called the northern end of that hill Prayer Hill. From there, our 468-acre cattle and hay farm looked like a tapestry woven by God’s hands and our own hard work—fields of grass and alfalfa interlaced with trees and wetlands.
John and I spent many mornings on this porch. Whichever of us got here first would call the other to come watch the sun make its appearance. No two dawns were the same. Sometimes the sun streamed through a rift in a cloud bank. Sometimes rays of light shot straight into the sky. Sometimes long shadows leaped from the cottonwoods.
John wasn’t here this morning. A few months earlier, he’d died after a six year battle with malignant melanoma. A battle John had seemed to be winning until last year, when suddenly he grew weak and his pain more nagging.
Now I was alone. Staring out at a farm that had depended on John’s strong body and even stronger spirit— his unshakable faith and optimism. I had depended on John too. I’d worked alongside him, but his strength and ingenuity had kept this ranching operation going. I’d supplemented our income by writing for agricultural magazines. I was strong, but not strong enough to handle the big draft horses John had used to haul hay to the cows in winter.
I felt overwhelmed. Hobbled by grief. Unable to see the path forward. I thought back to another morning, shortly before John went on hospice care, when we sat on this porch and he said to me with uncharacteristic apprehension, “I wonder how much longer it will be. Do you have a plan, Raylene? This isn’t stopping!”
“My only plan is to pray,” I said after a long silence.
This story is from the January 2017 edition of Guideposts.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber ? Sign In
This story is from the January 2017 edition of Guideposts.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber? Sign In
EVERYDAY GREATNESS: Jessica Manfre
Uniting military and civilian communities through acts of kindness
The Cake Mixer Mishap
I should’ve listened to Mom
Star Turn
I worried about my introverted daughter. Then Olivia flipped the script
Unearthed
I pulled the overgrown remnants of my herb garden, putting it to bed for the season, and went over a mental list of all the things to do before winter began—change out the screens for storm windows, finish the yard work, bring down the draft blockers from the attic.
Confidence Builder
My five boys didn't need me to homeschool them anymore. Now I wanted to be good at something else. But could I?
Ordinary People
The story behind Norman Rockwell's celebrated painting
A Woman of Courage
After I was widowed, fear took over my life. How could I trust anyone if I couldn't trust God?
Keep on Truckin'
How to bring a couple back together: share a long-haul drive in an 18-wheeler
My Answer to Pain
Inflammation was wreaking havoc with my health. Was God trying to show me a better way to live?
Letters From Phil
My older brother and I went our separate ways: he to the Air Force, me to a marriage that didn't last. He lived a rough-and-tumble life, but that's not what really worried me