Will standing on one leg help me LIVE LONGER?

Haunted by her high cholesterol, Sharon Wright is on a DIY health drive

- 

I'm swapping midlife health panics with my friend Luci. She nods in sympathy. That very morning, her puzzled hubby asked why she was brushing her teeth while standing on one leg.

'For my longevity!' she'd spat, along with the toothpaste. It's a balance thing, apparently - lack of it being the secret slayer of fools who brush on both feet.

I have just had my cholesterol test result and it's sky-high. So now the lard in my bloodstream is making me feel as if I'm staring down the furred-up barrel of a gun.

Eating oats is the one thing that comes up time and again, during a session with Dr Google on lowering cholesterol. Our house vibrates with the endless pinging of the microwave as I push my cooking skills to the limit with rolled oats and skimmed milk. 'I'm not sure I can eat any more porridge,' I wail.

The rest of the time I'm trying to enjoy chickpeas.

'They lower bad cholesterol,' I tell my family, grimly.

But do they? And is it enough? Luckily for me (not her), my friend Sheila is a nurse. We used to spend our time talking about current affairs. But today she’s barely got her coat off before I'm making her look at my cholesterol results on the NHS App and asking whether I'm about to keel over from a heart attack. She's kind... but noncommittal.