THE SECRET WE FELT WE HAD TO KEEP

From gruelling treatment to heartbreaking miscarriages, these three women spent years trying to become mums

-  KATE GRAHAM

‘I had a growing sense of shame’
Sarah Lawrence, 47, lives in Kent with her husband Jim, 49.

When I met Jim through friends in 1995, neither of us was even thinking about kids, but after I stopped taking the pill aged 28, as it was affecting my mental health, my biological clock kicked in practically overnight.

After we got engaged in 2010, when I was 34, we decided to start trying for a baby. I hadn’t fallen pregnant by our wedding the following year, but I was still optimistic. In May 2012, I was thrilled to finally see a positive pregnancy test. Then, at six weeks, we lost the baby.

While we didn’t feel able to share news of the miscarriage with friends and family, I had to tell my boss because I needed time off from my job in financial services.

ACCEPTANCE

I had a growing sense of shame about my infertility. If someone asked, ‘Do you have kids?’ I’d change the subject. In late 2013, I decided to see yet another gynaecologist, who referred me for a laparoscopy to examine my abdomen and pelvis. I was told I had stage four endometriosis and wouldn’t be able to have children naturally.

Devastated and in denial, I tried acupuncture, homoeopathy and reflexology. I bought crystals for fertility and followed a special diet. Eventually, I started seeing a counsellor, and working with her helped me accept that what the doctor had told me was true.