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Help! He's too rough with me in bed

My ex-partner and I loved being kinky. We'd tie each other up, spank each other's bottoms, and 'order' each other to deliver oral sex. So when I met my new man, I was thrilled that he's into kink too. But he ties me up too tightly, spanks me too hard, and gets cross if I don't obey him in the bedroom. It doesn't feel right to me. But what do I know?

SUSAN SAYS

You know a lot! You know what you want. You know what you don't want. And if you don't want what your new man is doing, then tell him - and if he doesn't listen, then leave him. Because as you learned with your ex, when kinky sex is consensual, and both of you are totally happy with what you're doing, that's great. But if not, you shouldn't put up with what's happening.

Can we solve their constant sibling strife?