5 reasons adult children cut off their families

SCROLL through TikTok or YouTube long enough, and you'll find them: raw, often tearful storytimes from people explaining why they've gone no contact or low contact with their parents.

- VUYILE MADWANTSI

At first glance, it can sound shocking, even unthinkable. Aren’t parents supposed to be our safest place?

Yet, behind every decision to step away lies something deeper, more painful and very real. Far from being impulsive or cruel, experts say estrangement is often the final act of self-preservation after years, sometimes decades, of trying to make it work.

Beyond the stereotype

Dr Joshua Coleman, a psychologist and the author of Rules of Estrangement, says, “Adult children rarely cut off contact without years of distress and failed attempts to repair the relationship”

Research reveals that around 1 in 10 parents in the world are now estranged from at least one adult child, a statistic that resonates globally, including here in South Africa.

Contrary to stereotypes about “sensitive” millennials or Gen Z, the choice often reflects courage and deep grief, not rebellion.

When love feels like harm

One of the most common and most hidden reasons for estrangement is emotional abuse and chronic invalidation. This doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes it’s the parent who always criticises, uses guilt as a weapon, or dismisses feelings with phrases like “You're too sensitive”.