Shy, retiring Nigel is nowhere to be seen, so cross-party Kemi steps up to be all over the place

You can normally set your watch by Reform. It’s a rare Monday on which Nigel Farage isn’t holding a press event somewhere in central London. Even when he has nothing new to announce, he has no shame in saying something he’s said many times before.

- John Crace

So you would have thought that, this Monday of all Mondays, Nige would have called his weekly presser. There’s so much he must want to talk about: the allegations of electoral fraud in his Clacton constituency; the fallout from Nathan Gill, Reform’s former leader in Wales, taking bribes to speak on behalf of the Russians; the fact that the latter issue seems like it might be contagious, with several other Ukip/Brexit party/Reform members in the frame ... Oh, and the alleged antisemitism and racism from his schooldays.

But no. Nige has unexpectedly taken a vow of silence. Perhaps that’s a blessing to us all. Though think of what we are missing. An explanation of how, out of all 650 MPs, he was the one least likely to have filed inaccurate accounts. A detailed slideshow of where all the money came from and how it was spent. We would expect no less from a man who has always done everything by the book.

As for the racism, that would have easily been dealt with. The other Dulwich pupils had all got the wrong end of the stick. When he had pointed out to a black boy that Africa was that way, he had only been trying to help. He had thought the boy was genuinely in need of directions. Continue on the South Circular as far as the A2 and then fuck off to Dover.