Welcome to my real life

You know how people say: "Don't worry, they're just coming to see you, not your house"? They lie.

- SONJA BROWN

The moment I invited my first group of friends over to my brand-new house, I turned into a Pinterest-possessed, scatterbrained lunatic with a to-do list longer than a Woolies till slip.

I scrubbed walls that weren't dirty. I even ironed the hand towels - the hand towels, people.

I had visions of soft music, laughter, delicate wine glasses clinking gently while someone said: “Oh wow, this place feels so you.”

What actually happened was this: at 1.30pm, the braai fire died. Not fizzled out - died. As in, it made one last attempt at licking at the steaks, and then... nothing.