Keeping secrets is a tough Skell'

THIS week I learnt that Ireland has a Witness Protection Programme - which must be a challenge to run in a small country full of nosey people where everybody went to school with your cousin.

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Seriously, how in the hell are you supposed to hide somebody here? You'd have to put them in one of those beehive huts the monks built on Skellig Michael - and even then, the postman would recognise them.