Not only have I joined the gym, I'm going to go...

Carrie Carlisle

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LET me be clear here: I did not choose the gym life.

No ways. The gym life was suddenly thrust upon me by my consultant just two short weeks ago.

Apparently "we need to shed a few stone before being eligible for surgery".

As if she would indeed be right there on the neighbouring treadmill, quaffing protein shakes and cheering me on. Half doctor, half hype-man.

Also note the way she casually announces it's a couple of stone I need to lose. Not a couple of pounds. Not even a few kilos.

Stones. Several of them.

Will I now end up on one those ghastly American reality shows where folk have to be crane lifted from their living rooms, then placed across many beds in a hospital, where they cry and tell a stern medic it's only water weight and they have thyroid issues?

Because I do have thyroid issues, dammit.

Though I'm not convinced I'm carrying stones in water weight.