When It's Not Quite A Wonderful Life

Here’s how to have an emotionally authentic holiday even if you’ve got a touch of the winter blues.

- Jason Marsh

WHOEVER WROTE the song “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” never had to endure a night of Hanukkah listening to a cousin rail about politics. Or spend an entire Christmas alone while cheers and laughter erupted from the apartment down the hall.

Fortunately, psychological research suggests some effective ways you can beat the holiday blues—and flags some especially unhelpful ones. The upshot is that sadness and other tough emotions are not afflictions that we should try to avoid. Instead, if properly understood, they can help contribute to a healthy—and happy—life.

Here are four strategies to help you craft your own happiness recipe this holiday season (and the rest of your year).

1. DON’T FORCE CHEER

At family gatherings with cousins you secretly can’t stand and in-laws who dole out backhanded compliments, it can be tempting to put on a happy face while you seethe inside. Indeed, that might even seem like the most mature response—no drama, no conflict.

But a 2011 study by researchers at Michigan State University and West Point might make you think twice. They followed dozens of bus drivers for two weeks, looking to see when they flashed fake versus genuine smiles at their passengers. The results showed that on days when the drivers tried to put on an act and fake a good mood, their actual moods got worse. This was especially true for women.