Why dating after 30 can feel like a minefield — and what to do about it

DATING in your thirties is a whole new ballgame. It’s not just dating, it’s intentional, emotionally charged, and often frustrating.

- VUYILE MADWANTSI

After all, the carefree, experimental nature of dating in your twenties has given way to a more focused approach, one that reflects your growth, evolving priorities, and the harsh realities of modern relationships.

But why does dating feel so difficult in this age bracket? Is it the smaller dating pool? The emotional baggage we accumulate over time? Or the social pressure to “settle down”?

Why is dating after 30 so challenging?

The dating pool shrinks

By the time you hit 30, a significant portion of your peers may already be married, engaged, or in committed relationships.

According to a 2022 report by Statistics South Africa, over 50% of South African adults between 30 and 39 are married or cohabiting, leaving fewer potential partners who are actively dating.

This smaller pool can feel limiting, especially if you’re looking for someone who shares your values, goals, and interests.

Add to that the fact that many of the remaining singles may also carry emotional baggage from previous relationships, and the search for a compatible partner becomes even more challenging.

You’re dating with intention

Unlike your twenties, where dating often involved exploration and casual connections, your thirties bring a sense of urgency and purpose.

Many people in this age range are looking for long-term, meaningful relationships.