My Dating Detox Led To Love

When she stopped swiping right after 10 years of online dating, radio presenter Verity Geere suddenly found The One

- Eimear O'hagan

When the second-hand car dealer from Essex was shoving his tongue down my throat, I knew I’d had enough. Not just of him – he’d already told me over dinner I needed to ‘lose a few pounds’ – but of online dating, and men in general.

At the end of another disastrous date in October 2018, I’d reached my tipping point. It wasn’t just I was sick of wasting my evenings with guys that I knew I was never going to have a relationship with. I also didn’t like who I’d become. I should have chucked a drink over the Essex boy, not ignored his cruel comment and then let him snog me. But I’d lost my self-respect – and it was time to find it again.

An online dating junkie, I first signed up to sites such as My Single Friend and harmony in 2008. Before then, my longest relationship had lasted five years and I’d met men the traditional ways: in bars, at work and through mates. Hurtling towards 30, I wanted marriage, kids and a happy-ever-after, and encouraged by friends finding love online, I believed this was how I’d do it.

Looking back, I quickly fell into the trap of using it to feel good about myself. How many guys were interested, how many was I chatting to, how many ‘likes’ did I have? As more sites and apps launched, I added them to my phone. From Match and Tinder to Bumble and Happn, I was there with my carefully curated profile and filtered selfies. My thumb ached from hours scrolling. I had online dating FOMO – a compulsion to be on as many sites as possible because what if I missed the chance to meet The One?

Dating horrors