CHIVALRY IS NOT DEAD

What chivalry looks like in modern relationships and why it's less about opening doors and more about open conversations.

- BY MECAYLA MASEKA

The word chivalry is often associated with knights, castles and men holding doors. But today's chivalry is having something of a renaissance - one that trades armour for awareness and gallantry for emotional intelligence. In an age where “gender roles” are more fluid than ever, is there still room for old-school courtesy? Or has it been sent packing with the corsets and curtsies?

Relationship specialist and coach Jane Mills says it isn't dead; it just got a modern-day makeover. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, chivalry is described as “the medieval knightly system with its religious, moral and social code” and “courteous behaviour, especially that of a man towards women”.

“Originally, chivalry was tied to codes of honour among knights: protect the weak, honour the church, serve ladies," Jane explains.

“It was feudal and formal, built on the assumption that women were fragile beings in need of rescue. The idea travelled through the centuries into Victorian door-holding, bill-paying and pulling out chairs - all gestures performed by men for women, often without asking if they were needed, wanted or reciprocal.”

While these acts may have been well-meaning, they were also steeped in imbalance and perpetuated damaging ideals.