To bond better, be open & respond

Journey with You (JoY) mentors share secret to 26-year marriage

- CLARA LIM

Like many married couples, Mr David Lang and his wife Chew Wai Yee would often bicker and fight. After being married for 26 years, however, they now discuss and set right.

Mr Lang, 51, used to get annoyed, like when he drives over to pick up his wife and she's nowhere to be found. "I (used to) get upset," Mr Lang says, "like my efforts are not being appreciated."

The couple, who both work as ministry leaders in the same church, agree that such tension isn't something to avoid.

So what's the secret to their lasting marriage? What's behind their approach to conflict?

"We fought so bad. Even 15 years into our marriage, we were still fighting," says Mr Lang. "But we want to make this work."

Their hard-won wisdom: Have honest conversations to understand each other better. Mr Lang and Ms Chew are also volunteer mentors for Journey with You (JoY), a free programme organised by the Registry of Marriages in collaboration with Families for Life Council. (see other story) Under JoY, the couple meets newlyweds to guide them through their first year of marriage, sharing what took them decades to learn.

Clash of personalities

He is charismatic, expressive and fun. She is cool, calm and collected.

They're complete opposites — and that's what drew them to each other, shares Ms Chew, 53.

But after they got married in 1999 following a decade of friendship, these differences "kicked in." "We started to irritate one another," she says with a laugh.