Log Off To Find Love - Apps have gamified meeting and mating-and affected our social skills for the worse. The real future of dating is offline.

In 2017, after being single for a few years, I wanted to get back into the dating game. I was newly sober at the time, so I wasn’t super-confident about venturing into my local bar scene in London, Ontario. Instead, I leapt into the world of digital dating via Bumble, which, back then, required women to send the first message. I thought, That’s feminist. I’m a feminist. Let’s try it! My first few months online provided me with an emotionally exhausting education.

- By Treena Orchard - Illustration by Pete Ryan

In 2017, after being single for a few years, I wanted to get back into the dating game. I was newly sober at the time, so I wasn’t super-confident about venturing into my local bar scene in London, Ontario. Instead, I leapt into the world of digital dating via Bumble, which, back then, required women to send the first message. I thought, That’s feminist. I’m a feminist. Let’s try it!

My first few months online provided me with an emotionally exhausting education.

I learned that a man who says he’s five foot six could be five foot four; that it’s entirely common for people to use ridiculously old photos to make themselves seem younger; and that catfishing, the practice of using fake photos, is alive and well. I was once catfished by the same man twice. When we met, he looked nothing like his pictures. I deleted him from my matches aer we hung out because he started asking for money through the app. A few years later, he and I connected again; he’d used another series of fake pictures. When he got to my house, he denied catfishing me and poured himself a drink without asking. I asked him to leave, and he unmatched me on the Tinder app before he even got into his taxi—and before I could report him. (What was Tinder going to do with a bunch of fake photos, anyway?)

These and other bizarre dating adventures made me wonder whether the apps just sucked or if I was doing something wrong. Why did this person disappear? I’d ask myself. What is the matter with me? But it isn’t just me. These days, nearly three and a half million Canadians use dating apps, and many agree that swiping has become dystopian. We now rely on algorithms to serve us potential partners in the same way we do takeout options and travel deals.