I feel Hoy's pain at initial confusion..folk often think I'm Tom Cruise

OLYMPIC cyclist Sir Chris Hoy has been trolled on social media by people who mistake him for Tory MSP Craig Hoy. And the same thing used to happen with English Premier League referee Chris Foy.

I know how you feel, big man. Thanks to sharing the same initials coupled with the fact we could pass for twins folk often confuse me with Tom Cruise...

Who am I kidding? The only celebrity I bear an uncanny resemblance to Chubby darts champ Stephen Bunting.

Chatting to my wife last week about Robbie Coltrane's ashes being scattered at the legendary Katz's Deli in New York (the big man loved their pastrami and photo is up on the wall next to Frank Sinatra), I asked the current nat Mrs Cowan where my ashes should be scattered. "I don't know, she grunted, "but it's probably a job for gritter lorry...

Can't argue with that. My scattered remains will look like a feckin' BING! To be honest, though, I'd happily drop my knife and fork tomorrow if I knew my ashes would be liberally sprinkled on the set of Dancing On Ice. I bet even Greta Thunberg loves the idea of global warming when she watches that guff.