Worth A Shot
Allure|May 2019

After Trying All Kinds Of Treatments—From Standard To Oddball— For His Depression, A New Course Of Action Is Taking Brennan Kilbane To One Very Unlikely Place: The Dermatologist’S Office.

Brennan Kilbane
Worth A Shot

A couple of weeks before New Year’s Eve, after hours on NYU Langone’s dermatology floor, I received Botox in my forehead for the first time. This is not because I wanted to fix any lines—I have a few, and they are fine—nor because I love the feeling of a needle piercing my skin eight times in succession, but because I am kind of sad most of the time, and I would like not to be.

Beneath the ambient hum of the building’s HVAC system, Evan Rieder, he of the round tortoiseshell glasses and dual board certification in dermatology and psychiatry, is trying to cure my depression. First we try some breathing techniques, then an exercise in which I clench every part of my body really hard for a few minutes and then release all of the tension (it works, kind of). Next comes some Botox, which has recently cleared phase-two trials as a treatment for major depressive disorder, for reasons I do not yet understand. Rieder explains that it is particularly effective among people who have experienced depressive episodes, which means I am a very good candidate.

When examining the lines of my face, the doctor asks me to contort my features into a variety of different non sad expressions, which makes me feel as though I am rehearsing for a new period of my life in which I feel a variety of different non-sad emotions. Rieder asks me to “look surprised,” and my eyebrows jump into my hairline. In order to properly inject the muscles directly above the bridge of my nose, I have to contract every muscle in my face at once, like a hobgoblin.

Afterward, I call my mom to tell her the good news: In a couple of days, my forehead wrinkles will be ironed smooth, and this will make me palpably happier—again, for reasons I do not yet understand. “It’s for a story about whether or not Botox can treat depression,"I tell her.

"Oh", she replies. "Well, how do you feel?"

This story is from the May 2019 edition of Allure.

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This story is from the May 2019 edition of Allure.

Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.