HOW MUCH does a round of golf with Thomas Bjorn, or hospitality tickets to the DP World Tour Championship, fetch at charity auction? It depends, it turns out, on how creatively the auctioneer can insult a gathering of high-net-worth individuals.The scene is a black-tie gala in an English garden during a heat wave. Servers roam with trays of champagne and fruit-infused gin on ice. Earlier in the day, at the pro-am outing at Wentworth, Ian Woosnam impressed with one-arm push-ups, and Alvaro Quiros boasted sarcastically about winning his first event in two years. The indefatigable host of the Berenberg Gary Player Invitational, the Black Knight, remarked after pro Inci Mehmet piped a drive past his, &ldquo;Boy, if you were married to her, you wouldn&rsquo;t want to come home late.&rdquo;Which is to say the atmosphere is loose, celebratory. Since its inception in 1983, Player&rsquo;s foundation has raised more than $64 million to support schools and provide medical care to disadvantaged children across the globe. Berenberg is a German bank, and it&rsquo;s thanks largely to its executives and clients that the goal of $100 million is in reach. For the 36 amateurs hanging tonight with 36 pros&mdash;seven major champions among them&mdash;such intimacy is the reward for their generosity. But they are about to get roasted. Jonny Gould, a self-described &ldquo;fifth-rate British television host from another time&rdquo; who found his true calling as an auctioneer, has the mic: &ldquo;Remember, the only reason Gary&rsquo;s people have been nice to you for the past year is to get your money.&rdquo;To one early bidder, Gould says: &ldquo;You, sir, I see your wife looking at you with an expression that&rsquo;s surely been absent some time. There&rsquo;s a certain degree of respect, a certain degree of passion. Are you going to let her down tonight by losing?&rdquo; Gould is armed with an annotated seating chart and shames financial titans for paltry bids by reciting their holdings. He asks one youthful bidder if he needs time to call mummy and daddy for permission. In the next breath, he growls like a lion and asks an older bidder if he&rsquo;s about to let the next generation take his manhood. And so Gould toys with the audience, pitting egos against egos, but the real reason prices escalate is because people want to hear what he&rsquo;ll say next.Cooling down with a beer afterward, tuxedo shirt soaked, Gould recalls his first auction, done reluctantly as a favor for a friend at a dive pub in London. He couldn&rsquo;t draw a single &pound;50 bid, let alone the tens of thousands he&rsquo;s fetching per item tonight. So out of something like desperate retaliation, he started making fun of the audience. To his surprise, the people loved it, and the bidding took off.Gould doesn&rsquo;t spare himself: &ldquo;If you ever watched cable TV soccer highlights between the hours of midnight and 5 a.m., you might recognize me.&rdquo;With the spirit of self-deprecation in the air, I ask two Hall of Famers what they think of our cover subject this month, Max Homa, whose painfully frank Twitter account provides the structure for his interview with staff writer Joel Beall on page 52.Fred Couples: &ldquo;Nice kid. Hits it nine miles. I played with him before he won in Charlotte, when he couldn&rsquo;t make a cut, and I didn&rsquo;t get it. My caddie told him he wasn&rsquo;t achieving remotely what he should be.&rdquo;Tom Watson: &ldquo;Reminds me a bit of Mike Reid. Very smart, very honest, spoke from the heart.&rdquo;Couples: &ldquo;Mike Donald was another guy who&rsquo;d punish himself all day long. He&rsquo;d tell you he couldn&rsquo;t beat anybody, then finish third. But this was 1990. I might&rsquo;ve told a friend, &lsquo;I suck,&rsquo; but never a stranger. Telling the whole world you suck&mdash;I don&rsquo;t get that.&rdquo;How much weakness should a golfer show, and to whom?The successful German bankers getting roasted with their checkbooks out bring to mind a quote from another German, a pastor, Martin Niem&ouml;ller: &ldquo;If you can laugh at yourself, you are going to be fine. If you allow others to laugh with you, you will be great.&rdquo;

Insults For Charity

Star

ANGELINA'S PLAN TO DESTROY BRAD

Globe US

WHY BREAST CANCER COMES BACK!

Us Weekly

Baby, This Is Motherhood

MAN, OH, MANDRELL!

On the Rebound

On The Case

National Enquirer

MARGOT FUMES AS SHAKIRA TOYS WITH BARBIE!

inTouch

This Is a New Chapter in Our Lives

INSECURE K-CLAN BEACH BUNNIES KICK SAND IN EACH OTHER'S FACES!

BALDWIN'S LOOK ARE SHOT TO HELL!

J.Lo to Ben: I WANT A BABY!

SHE'S THE STAR!

KEVIN: I WANT TO COME BACK TO YELLOWSTONE!

SACHA & ISLA WHY IT REALLY ENDED

Ben's Secret Texts to Matthew's Ex

Billionaire Kylie GOING BROKE?!

GARTH DITCHES TRISHA!

Kate's New Life

Are The Kardashians Finally At Peace?

NEW WALLOP FOR WILD MAN WALLEN!

ABOVE THE LAW!

GIRL, 7, SELLS LEMONADE TO BUY MOM'S GRAVE MARKER

WHY TORI SPELLING CAN'T POOP ALONE!

JUNKIE SON TRASHING 'UNFIT' CHER

VAIN MARIAH OUT TO PUMP UP HER SHRINKING MELONS!

LAUER & LEMON'S REVENGE FANTASY!

BRIT BEGS SAM TO SAVE HER!

GOLDEN BACHELOR'S HOUSE OF CARDS!

INSIDE THEIR SHOCKING SPLIT

WYNONNA JUDD'S NEW HEARTACHE!

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{{magzter}} is the World's largest and fastest growing self-service, cross-platform digital newsstand with over 87 million users since its inception in 2011 and thousands of magazines and newspapers across 40+ categories and 60+ languages. Headquartered in New York, Magzter has its local presence in Amsterdam, London, Mexico City, Chennai, Mumbai, New Delhi, Bengaluru, Singapore, and will soon be expanding to other countries. Founded by global entrepreneurs, Girish Ramdas and Vijay Radhakrishnan in June 2011, Magzter enables magazine and newspaper publishers around the world to create and deliver digital editions of their titles to global consumers.