How To Say I'm Sorry (And Really Mean It)

You messed up. You know it. Now what?

- Lisa Fields

There's more to saying sorry than just saying “sorry.” In fact, a study led by researchers at Ohio State University found that effective apologies—in other words, ones that were accepted by the aggrieved and allowed both parties to move on with no lingering animosity—have six components: expressing regret, explaining what went wrong, acknowledging responsibility, declaring repentance, offering to repair the situation, and requesting forgiveness.

“The more of those components that were included, the more likely the apology was seen as credible,” says Roy Lewicki, lead author of the study.

That may seem like a lot to remember, but Lewicki found that two sentiments were the most essential: admission(acknowledgment of your responsibility and the other person’s feelings) and contrition (remorse and commitment to future change). “Acknowledgment of responsibility turned out to be the most important piece,” he says.

Of course, not all screwups are created equal, so you might need to fine-tune your groveling depending on the circumstances.

Here are a few key tips.

Sincerity Trumps Timing