To fight for my son, I have to argue that he should never have been born.
Twice a day in our house, we turn on a projector that casts cartoon music videos on a blank stretch of wall. The songs are catchy and bright and usually keep our toddler captivated for the amount of time we need him to hold still. “There are no monsters who live in our home,” goes one of my favorites. “There’s only me and my family who live in our home /’Cause there are no monsters that live here.” Up on the wall, two healthy-looking cartoon children learn not to be scared of the dark, while my son clutches my forearm and breathes dutifully into a mask. Sometimes he spots something familiar—an animal with a noise he can make, a color he knows how to say—and rushes to point it out, only to have his voice muffled by medical equipment. Unlike the home in the song, ours does have a monster, one that doesn’t hide under the bed or in the closet. Half of it lives in my husband’s DNA, half in mine. We’re still figuring out what the whole thing looks like, but we do know it’s coming for our son. In lots of ways, it’s already here.
This story is from the November 27–December 10, 2017 edition of New York magazine.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber ? Sign In
This story is from the November 27–December 10, 2017 edition of New York magazine.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber? Sign In
Indecent Exposure
Jerrod Carmichael's reality series attempts to excavate his deepest flaws.
Grave Mysteries
Josh O'Connor searches for the afterlife as a sad-eyed tomb raider.
Not Her First Rodeo
Beyoncé's country album is a history lesson, a rallying cry, and a missed opportunity.
How'd You Make That?
Three masterpieces, from glimmer through struggle to breakthrough.
In the Belly of the Barbz
Fear them. Cheer them. Nicki Minaj fans are sticking by their queen.
At the Altar of Korean Fried Chicken
Coqodaq's owner calls it a cathedral. It feels more like a club.
WHO ATE WHERE
119 YEARS of PUNK BREAKFASTS, UPTOWN LUNCHES, DRUNKEN DEALMAKING, and IMPOSSIBLE RESERVATIONS
Arizona's Split Reality
Ground zero for the rigged-election conspiracy, the border state could decide both the fate of the Senate and the presidency.
98 MINUTES WITH...The Lavery Family
Beloved literary couple Daniel and Grace Lavery and their partner, Lily Woodruff, are all living and working full time in their Brooklyn apartment. Now, they have to find space for a baby.
Neighborhood News: Patrolling With the Rat Czar
On a smokeout with Vermin Enemy No. 1.