Take Control Of Your Relationship

Who says you need grand gestures to strengthen the relationship with your partner?

It is the simple things that can make a big difference in any relationship – be it a kind word of appreciation, the touch of a hand, listening to your partner’s concerns or having some fun.

Here are ways to bring back the joy in your relationship and keep things fresh:

DON’T PLAY THE BLAME GAME

When something is bothering you, never start a conversation by pointing the finger at your partner and reeling off a list of complaints.

Instead of saying “You always do this” or “You never do that”, make an “I” statement such as “I feel this” or “I think that”. When you are not pointing the finger, your partner will not feel as threatened. They will be more likely to listen and be open to what you are saying.

DON’T EXPECT YOUR PARTNER TO CHANGE TOO MUCH

A couch potato who prefers curling up with a good DVD box-set is never going to share your enthusiasm for early morning boot camp. Someone who is shy and prefers their own company is not likely to become a party animal. Don’t expect your partner to completely mirror you and share your interests, values and habits.

“People cannot change, even if they do try,” says Andrew Christensen, professor of psychology at UCLA. “To love and marry someone, you must accept the essence of who the other person is. You can try to push for change at the periphery, but not at the core.”

Schedule In Some Fun

Regular play is important, if not essential, for the healthy emotional development of a relationship.

“If you have fun together, you build resilience to support each other during hard times,” says Guy Vicars, psychotherapist and relationship counsellor. “If you only talk about problems, you’ll want to get away from each other.”