Why Do Couples Avoid Talking Money?

Sex, in-laws, work and kids... Some things are so much easier to talk - even fight - about than finance. Jocelyn Stiebel investigates why this is a struggle in many relationships

- Jocelyn Stiebel 

It was a month after I’d met Jason, and I was in a panic. With just R32 in my bank account and about five days to go before payday, he asked me if I wanted to join him and his friends at a wine farm for the day.

I‘ve always been hopeless with money. I spend every cent I have because I know there is more coming my way in due time (note to self: never freelance). If I have R500 left in my bank account and payday is tomorrow, chances are I’m on Superbalist looking for whatever I can get for that amount.

You may be judging me for this, or perhaps you have the same habit. Either way, it didn’t bother me while I was single. But as soon as I entered into this relationship, I suddenly became insecure about my ‘irresponsible’ ways.

Needless to say, I gave some made-up excuse as to why I couldn’t join him, whereas had it been a friend who invited me, I would have just said, ‘I can’t, sorry, I’m broke’ without hesitation.

So I decided to investigate why money is such a touchy subject in a relationship by consulting psychologists, and chatting to a few women, some I know and some I don’t, all in committed relationships or married. And here is the funny thing, which clearly illustrates the point I’m trying to make: these woman all wish to remain anonymous because money, and money matters, are scary enough that nobody wants to talk about them publicly.

According to a 2017 poll taken by Money Mag, 70% of married couples argue about money more than any other subject – say, his snoring or her working too late. But couple therapists and clinical psychologists Janine and Robert Boulle say their clients don’t come in because of money issues per se, but rather because of communication struggles.