What are we really looking for when we set out to find a former flame?
I HADN’T SPOKEN to Adam (not his real name … his real name is Dante*) in years. We dated when I was 19 and the kind of train wreck a lot of us are at 19. A girl who lied about her gran dying in order to end a relationship. A girl who pretended not to be home when he rushed over to work things out. A girl who was there one minute, gone the next.
I couldn’t say why, exactly, I’d decided to reach out to Adam. Reconnecting with an ex isn’t really something you plan. A song comes on the radio and you find yourself leaving an awkward voicemail about Death Cab for Cutie. You’re lying beside your sleeping significant other and you accidentally like a picture on an Instagram account you don’t even follow. Whether we act on it or not, we’ve all had the impulse to reach out, to ‘check in’, to go searching for what feels like a misplaced sweater that used to look super-cute on us – not because we want to wear it again but just to make sure it still fits. We justify our actions with all sorts of excuses about closure or making amends or wanting to make sure the other person is happy. The truth is, checking in really isn’t about them. It’s about us.
This story is from the September 2016 edition of Cosmopolitan - South Africa.
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This story is from the September 2016 edition of Cosmopolitan - South Africa.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
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