Is Your Friend An Emotional Vampire?

How do you handle a pal who never shuts up about her problems and doesn’t care about yours? Here’s how to manage the emotional bloodsuckers around you.

- Heather Havrilesky

"After all, who doesn’t enjoy a really dramatic girlfriend who sees her world as spinning out of control all the time, or who has regular spats with close friends or boyfriends that she’s willing to recap for maximum entertainment value? That’s like befriending the Jennifer Lawrence character in a David O Russell film or having one of the Real Housewives on speed dial!

I savour a phone call from a friend who feels persecuted by her co-workers and is positive she’ll never get the attention or recognition she deserves. I like people who are brutally honest. I like feeling needed. And as shameful as it is to admit, friends like these remind me that no matter how tough things might seem for me, they could be a lot tougher.

When I was younger, I never wanted friends who answered ‘How are you?’ with a simple ‘Fine!’ I didn’t want to skim the surface. I could do that with the grocery store cashier! I wanted friends who were prone to analysing the subtext of their boss’s e-mails or launching into hopelessly long-winded rants about something small, but disheartening, that happened on their commute to work that derailed their whole morning.

Years ago, I was talking to a new friend on the phone about her new boyfriend, and she stopped and said, ‘Whatever. Who has time to analyse this stuff?’ And I replied, ‘I do. And if I didn’t, I’d make the time.’ I wanted all the juicy details.