That's What Friends Are For

In a world where even gold-digging isn’t what it used to be, what’s a modern mooch to do?

- Marshall Heyman

Back when people still read books instead of binge watching Netflix, Edith Wharton’s The House of Mirth was a cautionary tale for the aspiring social climber. Pity poor Lily Bart, who tried too hard to find a wealthy and eligible suitor and ended up— spoiler alert!—in even worse shape than simply penniless and alone.

It’s likely a few stragglers with stars in their eyes still scheme with the intention of finding a rich husband or wife. But the repercussions of marrying solely for money don’t always play out so well, and the truth is it’s overkill. Why chain yourself to an otherwise unappealing spouse when private jet rides, unending stays in that Lyford Cay guest cottage, hundreds of thousands of Instagram followers, or almost any other modern-day status symbol is attainable via a strategic friendship?

“You don’t come to New York to look at butterflies,” says one fashion publicist who married a man in the travel industry not for love but for access to international first class tickets. “You come with a goal. It’s very business-driven.” Meaning it’s all about your network. In turn, gold-digging, that classic pastime, has begat “friend-digging”—using your closest circle to get ahead.

Social climbing in this manner has been around for centuries. Think of John Jacob Astor, Truman Capote, Madonna, or even Donald Trump. “You’re either on the Z list or the D, moving to C or B or A,” says R. Couri Hay, a publicist hired by social figures to make names for themselves in New York. “Wherever you start, you’re moving up with well-placed appearances, well-written notes, and memorable conversations.”