Drawing Strength
The Oprah Magazine|July 2018

Aminah Akram has made real progress toward setting healthy boundaries. In her final session with O’s Martha Beck, she learns how to listen to her heart.

Drawing Strength

SINGLE MOM Aminah Akram longs to find a partner— but in her previous session with O life coach Martha Beck, the 48-year-old confessed that romance isn’t the only kind of love she’s been missing. Aminah’s parents were mostly absent while she was growing up, leaving her to be raised by her grandmother, who “wasn’t a ‘give me a hug’ kind of person.” Martha told her client that they were onto something important: Because Aminah never got the affection she needed as a child, she learned to give without expecting anything in return. Now she’s continuing that behavior as an adult, endlessly caring for her kids, sisters, and mother—and depleting herself in the process. To break the pattern, Martha advised, Aminah has to finally give the kid inside the attention she deserves; when that little girl learns she’s worthy of love, adult Aminah will attract the relationship of her dreams. Let’s check in as Aminah and Martha start their last session.

Martha Beck: Hi, Aminah! You’ve been on my mind a lot since we talked. Tell me what’s happening. Aminah Akram: Well, I’ve started seeing a therapist.

MB: That’s amazing!

AA: I also told my mom I don’t think we should live together anymore. There was anger at first, but she finally said, “Okay, if that’s what you want to do.”

MB: Wow! Separating from your mother is the ultimate boundary setting.

AA: Of course, my sisters want to know how I’ll find a babysitter for my daughter.

MB: You’re breaking the family rules and getting pushback.

AA: I am, but I don’t care anymore.

MB: You seem mellow. But also tired.

AA: Yeah, this is my day off, so I slept in.

This story is from the July 2018 edition of The Oprah Magazine.

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This story is from the July 2018 edition of The Oprah Magazine.

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