Down, Girl!

Still clinging to the fears and fury of childhood? You can unarrest your development once and for all.

- Martha Beck

I’VE NEVER UNDERSTOOD why people look back so longingly on youth. Innocence and flawless skin have their merits, but adulthood is way more fun. We grown-ups have all the advantages that come with being physically coordinated and legally employable: We can drive, shop, hike, demand anesthesia, go to the zoo just because we damn well want to. Generally speaking, growing up is pretty great.

The problematic part is that some of us don’t quite finish the job. We may appear to be confident, competent adults, but at heart we’re actually angst-ridden, helpless kindergartners. A friend of mine calls these fragile souls adult-children.

If you think you might be an adult-child, I highly recommend treating yourself to a little therapy. (You can! You’re an adult!) That’s what helped me finally step into my grown-up shoes. Here are the best ways to do the same, based on the lessons I’ve learned; maybe they can help you grow up, too.

Trust your inner truth over anyone’s opinion. When people ask me to sum up my most important advice, I all but bellow two words: “Trust yourself!” This seems so simple, but so very few people do it. We ignore our builtin sensor that says, This is true. That is not. Instead, like children, we live the way other people tell us to.

You may believe that you don’t have the good judgment to decide what’s right for you, but consider this: Even when you obey an external authority, you’re making the choice to do so. Choosing what and whom you believe is your inescapable responsibility, so own it. Examine everything you hear. Weigh it against your innate sense of truth. Then do what feels right, even if it goes against someone else’s grain. You weren’t allowed to do that as a kid. You are most definitely allowed to do it now.