'How Do You Survive The Loss Of A Child?'

ON A QUIET NIGHT IN OCTOBER 2007, Maja Arnold contentedly settled down for a snooze while her infant twins, Lukas and Isabella, slept in their cribs. The babies had been home for two blissful weeks after their premature births had kept them in incubators for months. Born weighing 2.9 and 4.1 pounds, the babies almost didn’t survive Maja’s pregnancy. “When I was six months along, the doctors told me I could lose one or both of them because my amniotic fluid was low,” she says. Terrified, she was hospitalized until she gave birth. When they came home, Maja finally felt safe. “It was all good,” she says.

- Alexis Reliford

And then came a panicked cry from her husband, Matt, on that October evening. “I’ll never forget that scream,” says Maja. Shocked awake, she stumbled into the hall to find Matt crying and holding Isabella. Taking the baby from his arms, Maja frantically attempted CPR while yelling at Matt to call 911. When she looked up, she saw a police officer rushing in, followed by a priest. “In five minutes, my life had become a bad dream I couldn’t wake from,” says Maja.

Doctors later told her Isabella’s death had been due to sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), the leading cause of death for babies less than 1 year old. It was a heartbreaking and frustrating explanation — SIDS has no known cause. Devastated, Maja struggled simply to get out of bed every day for weeks. “I desperately wanted my baby girl back,” she says. “I felt so much guilt. I felt I should have done something to prevent this.”

She turned to her faith, seeking meaning in her loss and mustering the strength to care for Lukas. “I knew Isabella was in heaven,” says Maja. “If I didn’t believe in God, I don’t know what would have happened.” She forced herself to live as normally as possible: “I was grieving, but I pushed myself so I wouldn’t go into depression.”