Everyone Has Secrets… Or Should

No romantic relationship can be a completely open book.

- Esther Perel

 Keeping a few things to yourself is common…and normal. One study by sociologist Beth Easterling (who’s examined this topic extensively) found that more than 60 percent of coupled-up people admit to having kept at least one secret from their partner.

And yet once couples grow closer, it’s typical for them to start divulging all truth. For instance, you may confess to your partner that you actually hate that sweater he always wears or that, early on, you didn’t think you two would last. For the most part, these are facts that will hurt your mate— you’d be telling him purely for transparency’s sake, which today is equated with intimacy.

But I believe it’s not so simple. Certainly, it’s useful to tell your lover some undisclosed info once you’ve built up trust, but there are other confidences you may be better off never sharing. Every fact should be evaluated: Will revealing it help or hurt you, your mate, or your relationship? Here, some guidelines to help you decide.

INFO YOU CAN KEEP UNDER WRAPS