Decode Any WTF Text

Another Day, Another Cryptic Message From a Dude. Here’s How to Decipher the Meaning and Send a No-regrets Reply.

- Danielle Kam

Hey

What’s up

What’s up? What’s up is that your heart is pounding—and your brain is short-circuiting. Is he trying to hang out, or is he bread crumbing you, or does he actually want to know what you’re doing, or ??? And then there’s your reply: Should it be a GIF, an emoji, something witty, or nothing at all?

Research shows that every little text detail, down to a simple misspelling, can hold meaning, which only intensifies the write then-delete anxiety. Deep breath. Here’s your guide to dealing with any type of texter and how to guarantee that your intended meaning isn’t lost in translation. Just type after us.…

THE PUSHY SEXTER

Send me a pic.…C’mon, I won’t show anyone. I’ll send u one back.

YOU THINK: My left boob is going to end up on his frat’s GroupMe chain. And I’m in no mood to see his peen.

YOUR REPLY: If it’s way too early for P-and-V image sharing—and assuming you’re into this guy— try getting your point across in a flirty way. Let him know he’s moving too fast by sticking with emoji, says online dating expert Julie Spira. Send back something like “ That’s all you’re getting for now.…” That should do the trick.

THE BOOTY-CALL BRO