Sex Machine

The new 2019 Audi A7 wants to be your everything.

- John Pearley Huffman

Let’s talk about sex. About lust and passion and desires we cannot control. About taut lines and provocative shapes that make our brains burn. About things so freakishly gorgeous that when you see them, your pupils dilate explosively. There’s nothing rational about sexual attraction. It’s transcendent.

If Audi’s second-gen A7 “five-door” Sportback coupe isn’t super sexy, there’s no reason for it to exist at all. Because the same car in a classic four-door body sits across the showroom floor wearing an A6 badge. The A7 has the same all-new, turbocharged 3.0-liter V-6, the same Quattro all-wheel drive, the same 48-volt stop-start system, but a base price that’s $9100 more. That’s a lot to pay for sex appeal.

So how sexy is the new A7? To our eyes, not quite as sexy as its predecessor. But still plenty sexy enough.

With its stiletto profile and leonine face, the original A7 had a sleek fierceness. It was about as provocative as a sedan-like, coupe-ish hatchback could be. It was a sensation. This new one is a blunter beast with a flatter nose, a larger hexagonal grille, and squarer-cut body panels. But it also has its own swagger, with thicker shoulders and a crisply delineated musculature. Driverassistance sensors bursting out of the grille give it the look of a Camaro that swallowed an AWACS plane, and the trim in the rear bumper meant to evoke exhaust outlets where there are none is silly. But overall, it’s a clean technical look, high fashion mixed with an operating room. In other words, it’s an Audi.