Affairs Are Only Human, Which Is No Excuse To Have One
IN 2016, THREE-QUARTERS OF AMERIcans believed that it is always wrong to have sex with “someone other than your marriage partner.” Exactly the same proportion felt that way in 1991. In the intervening quarter-century, the number of people who think it should be easier to divorce rose by a third. Meanwhile, approval of same-sex marriage increased about fourfold, to 68%. Much of the definition of marriage (how long it lasts, who it’s with) has changed—just not our view of cheaters.
So it’s a brave woman who will stick up for the adulterer, suggest that satisfying one’s sexual hungers— even at great cost to a loved one—is understandable and advance the notion of a “no-fault affair.” Such is the task undertaken by Esther Perel, a controversial couples therapist and TED Talk star, in her new book, The State of Affairs.
Most couples therapists encourage more interpersonal honesty and harmony as a way to juice up boudoir ardor. But in her first book—the 2006 best seller Mating in Captivity—Perel, the daughter of Holocaust survivors, counseled distance, seeing partners through others’ eyes and exploring the dynamics of power to stimulate desire. While the standard sexual advice is to put a partner’s pleasure first, she encouraged “ruthlessness” in bed.
This story is from the November 6,2017 edition of Time.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber ? Sign In
This story is from the November 6,2017 edition of Time.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber? Sign In
The 100 Most Influential People in the World - Pioneers
America Ferrera Kennedy Odede Ophelia Dahl Sharon Lavigne Sam Tsemberis Lesley Lokko Stuart Orkin Asma Khan Priyamvada Natarajan Yoshua Bengio + more
The 100 Most Influential People in the World - Icons
Taraji P. Henson Jenni Hermoso Michael J. Fox Sofia Coppola Burna Boy Thelma Golden Elliot Page Mark Cuban Kylie Minogue Hayao Miyazaki + more
The 100 Most Influential People in the World - Innovators
Jensen Huang Rachel Hardeman Akiko Iwasaki Shawn Fain Maya Rudolph Dominique Crenn Marina Tabassum Dave Ricks Tory Burch Siya Kolisi + more
The 100 Most Influential People in the World - Leaders
Yulia Navalnaya Ajay Banga William Ruto Rena Lee Andriy Yermak Donald Tusk William Lai William Burns Narges Mohammadi Marina Silva + more
The 100 Most Influential People in the World -Titans
Patrick Mahomes A'ja Wilson Kelly Ripa Donna Langley Satya Nadella Beth Ford Jack Antonoff Kelley Robinson Larry Ellison Max Verstappen + more
The 100 Most Influential People in the World - Artists
Dua Lipa James McBride Da'Vine Joy Randolph Alex Edelman Dev Patel Lauren Groff Alia Bhatt Jeffrey Wright 21 Savage Jenny Holzer + more
William McRaven The retired admiral who took down Osama bin Laden on why U.S. leadership matters, the AI race, and what he's going to do with $50 million
You recently received the Bezos Courage and Civility Award, with $50 million to give to charities of your choice. How are you planning to use it? Almost all of this is going to be focused on veterans and their families the children who've lost fathers and mothers in combat. And the other area is mental health for servicemen. What don't the VA and the military health care system cover?
The real Carmichael show
JERROD CARMICHAEL HAD BEEN a famous comedian for almost a decade when he dropped his average-dude persona and started being real. In his 2022 special, Rothaniel, he came out as gay, speaking with rueful humor about internalized homophobia and his fractured relationship with his devoutly Christian mother. It was a creative turning point as well as a personal one.
A jumbled parable with a glowing core
EVEN WHEN A MOVIE IS FAR FROM PERFECT, YOU CAN tell when a director has poured his soul into it. Dev Patel's directorial debut Monkey Man-he's also the movie's star-is trying too hard, and for too much. It wants to be a political allegory, a somber study of a man haunted by childhood trauma, a clarion blast of inspiration for downtrodden humans seeking to summon strength, and last but hardly least, a brutally exhilarating action entertainment.
The pacifist gospel of Civil War
OUTSIDE OF ATLANTA, A CREAKY WHITE VAN WEAVED down a highway lined with abandoned cars. A helicopter sat in the parking lot of a charred JCPenney. Armed guards in military fatigues patrolled checkpoints. A death squad dumped corpses into a mass grave. Artillery boomed in the offing.