Let's Talk It Out!

Lynn Saladino, PsyD, shares her professional advice on harmful phone habits, social anxiety, and more.

- Lynn Saladino

Q My friends have accused me of phubbing (snubbing them to look at my phone). I don’t even realize I’m doing it anymore; it’s so automatic. How do I stop?

Phubbing is one of those habits that can seem harmless, yet be infuriating to those around you. Where you direct your attention indicates your priority at the moment. Even if you’re an excellent multitasker, using your phone while hanging with your friends sends the message that they’re not important enough to warrant your full attention, which doesn’t make anyone feel great!

To remedy the problem, try to figure out why you’re on your phone so often. Are you escaping to social media because you feel socially awkward? Or are you afraid of missing important messages?

Once you know the “why,” you can start problem-solving. For example, if you keep checking your screen because you don’t want to miss a call from your sitter, set your phone to ring only if it’s her; and let your friends know you’re expecting a call. This allows you to manage your own worry and eliminates any assumption that you’re disinterested in the conversation taking place right in front of you.

If you’re finding that your phubbing is, in fact, purely habit, try placing your phone out of reach, or actually turning it off. Your friends will appreciate it, and you’ll likely enjoy your social time a lot more when you’re not tethered to a device.

When I’m under the gun at work, I tend to get short with my partner. Any tips for leaving that tension at the office?