The Fertility Problem No One Talks About

What happens when baby number two doesn’t come easily…or at all? Here’s what you need to know about the silent struggle of secondary infertility.

- Leslie Kaufman

IF THERE WAS ONE THING Jennifer Chaves always wanted, it was to someday “give birth to a baby from my body.” Chaves herself was adopted, but she hoped to have a biological connection to her own children.

So at age 34, a year after she got married, she and her husband got to work. Within a month, she was pregnant. She gave birth to a healthy baby boy named Thomas. Wanting a big family, the Clinton, Mass., couple tried again almost immediately, when Thomas was just a year old.

This time, however, they struggled. Chaves’ doctor suggested she lose 20 pounds. She did. Still not pregnant six months later, she tried acupuncture. After another six months with no success, she moved on to in vitro fertilization (IVF). Over the next three years, she watched her diet and did tai chi and qigong moving meditation to reduce stress. Out of four IVF cycles, one resulted in a miscarriage— the rest failed.

Through it all, she felt guilty, ashamed and isolated. “My mother-in-law told us to just have another,” she said. “Meanwhile, my acupuncturist told me to be grateful for the one child I already had.”