Why Is Everyone 'Ghosting'?

IT’S THE THOROUGHLY MODERN WAY TO EXIT SOMEONE’S LIFE, BUT IT CAN STILL HURT LIKE HECK. HERE’S HOW TO DEAL WITH A GHOST— AND HOW TO AVOID BECOMING ONE YOURSELF.

- Jennifer King Lindley

GHOSTS (NO, WE’RE NOT talking about those who’ve gone beyond the grave) move silently among us, but they make their presence known just the same. The unreturned texts. The promising interview that results in radio silence. A close friend who suddenly drops off the face of the earth. When confronted by sticky situations and awkward endings, more and more of us are simply going, poof.

Ghosting—cutting off contact with no explanation, even after someone repeatedly attempts to connect—is fast becoming the new “No, thank you.” The term seems to have originated in the online dating world: One in four people have been ghosted by a partner, and almost as many confess to ghosting other people, according to a 2018 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. But it has quickly spread to new realms. The study’s respondents said they thought ghosting friends was more acceptable than ghosting romantic partners. It occurs frequently in the workplace too: An increasing number of applicants don’t show up for interviews or go into hiding after getting job offers, says Catherine Mattice Zundel, founder of the consulting group Civility Partners. (Some, inexplicably, don’t appear for their first day.) “Microghosting” is also on the rise—those small, silent brushoffs we all smart from daily. Don’t want to help with the annual potluck? Ignore your neighbor’s voicemail and hope the problem drifts away.